My Love

I feel a light lurch. I look up to see a string snap, something I am all too familiar with. I tap your shoulder, and you look back at me, smile, and then turn your head. I sigh, and wait for a few. I feel another light lurch, but this time, like all the last, just a tad bit stronger. I once again tap your shoulders, and you look back, and simply ignore me entirely, as if I am inconveniencing you. You quickly and gracefully snap your head back to where it was looking a few moments ago. I wait patiently and I feel another lurch, once again stronger then the last. This time I don’t even bother poking your strong shoulders. I just watch to see if you will notice the lurch as well. Yet, to my disheartening you are unfazed in your gaze away from me. I look down in sadness, and I feel a massive lurch, something like I have never felt before. I look up to see myself more distant from you, hanging by threads firmly attached to you, but to my sadness, I see you, on your pedestal, still looking into the distance. I begin looking around, hoping to find something, someone, anything for that matter that might make you notice me. I frantically try each thing I see. You, startled at my distance, bring me back closer to you and gleefully smile at my attempts, but they don’t keep your interest long, I see you slowly begin moving your majestic face to a position I once again can’t see, a position that is too common. Another lurch and I fall once more, to the position you just rescued me from, but you take no notice. You just keep staring out into the distance, and I let my head sag to an outright distraught position. I look up once more to see amazingly your beautiful eyes, with there Ocean like deepness. I begin to smile just seeing them, and I tear up. You bring me closer once more and mend the strings that snapped, and I’m happy once more. I soon get tired, and fall asleep in my cradle of strings, happy, content, and passionate.

I wake up the next morning with a happy, refreshed, and excited smile brimming from ear to ear. I wait patiently, quietly praying to myself that you will wake up soon. So I can see those beautiful eyes once more. I keep waiting, keep praying, and soon you crack your eye lids. I gleefully squeal .Morning., and you quietly, almost surprised, acknowledge my happiness. We begin chit chatting, and you say you love me and I say .I love you.. Then you turn your back to me, and begin fiddling with your daily life, ignoring me once again in the process. I once again begin looking around, and talking to myself, wondering if I am doing something wrong, arguing with myself if I am the problem of why you stare away. I can’t fathom what I am doing right, nor what I am doing wrong. I notice you stopped fiddling, and quickly ask .Am I doing something wrong?., you with your golden hair turn and smile, and say .No… Feeling re-assured I begin fiddling on my own daily life, just as you continue to do yours.

Later, we both slow down, and I ask .How went the fiddling?. You quickly smile and exclaim .great.. I try once more to keep your attention, but I soon fail. Just like many of the nights before, you slowly take those amazing ocean blue eyes and adjust them in a position that I no longer can bask in. I pout lightly at the sadness of seeing them go, and slowly begin fiddling until I pass out, but all the while feeling those steady lurches of strings snapping.

I awoke groggy the next morning from the turbulent sleeping conditions, but then I see your eyes, those blue beautiful eyes, and I throw away the grogginess for you. However, sadly, you quickly begin fiddling, and I soon fit into my norm of fiddling too. The fiddling gives me time to think, and I begin to wonder what you gaze at. I pat your strong shoulders, and I ask .My wonderful, what do you gaze at?. You lightly giggle and point down the way, at her, something I never noticed before. Something too distant for me to touch, but something none the less better then I. You smile and say .I love her. and begin to slowly gaze at her. This time, This time, the strings snap like something had just been cut through them, like they all just decided enough was enough and I begin falling, I panic and quickly grab a hold of the few remaining strings that I can muster, and I firmly attach them to myself. I continue to panic, and I look down for the first time at what is below me. To my horror all I see is a black fog, a cold, uncaring, and unrelenting black fog. I gently tug on the strings, pouting, ashamed, and saddened. You quickly realize the predicament, and begin mending the strings. You bring me closer once more. However, it doesn’t take long for you to begin to forget about mending my boring, unwanted strings, and you begin starting at her.

I begin to cry, and wish for what I can’t seem to hold onto any longer, I begin to refuse myself the simple pleasure of seeing your amazing blue eyes, your engaging smile, and I sit there and pout. I sit there, and begin snapping a few of the strings myself, in anger, and in disgust for my own weakness towards you, and I in a raged spirit begin ripping the anchors you have in me. It hurts as I pull them with my jaw clinching tightly, as they tear out of my soul. Ripping those anchors that I had planned so thoughtfully for you, so passionately for you, and so lovingly for you and I keep ripping them out in screams of anger and frustration. Soon the rage fades, but I still hang there, writhing in the pain that I caused myself, and I look up. To my idiotic horror you still look at her. However, how can I blame you, my beautiful love. I can’t be mad at you with those amazing, and powerful eyes. So I decide that I shall do you a favor because you are my love, and I love you most deer. I begin cutting into myself once more with a methodical tenacity, and I remove those anchors slowly one, by one, so that you wont notice. I cry at the pain, but I choke them back because I love you. Soon, it will come to one last anchor, I know, and I will plummet into the cold black fog so that you can be with her because I love you.

Good bye my love, I will miss you, I will cherish you, but we were not meant to be. I blow a kiss to you, and then silence.

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